Mother Knows Best
by MetaDash
Summary: Once upon a time Say'ri's greatest enemy was Walhart, Grima, and even her brother, but now she faces a different challenge, with Tiki as the stakes. Can Chrom and Robin make the meeting with her mother - Naga - even slightly successful? ...probably not. Same canon as Anna's Bizarre Adventure. FE13, crack, one-shot.


**Mother Knows Best**

If one were to ask Princess Say'ri of Chon'sin what was the hardest time of her life, she would answer the war against Valm and Emperor Walhart, which involved fighting her own brother to the death and battling the fell dragon Grima. It was only through the alliance with Ylisse's Sheperds that she managed to pull through.

If one were to ask the _next_ moment-

"I cannot do this."

"Say'ri, we're on your side. Have a little faith."

Prince Chrom of Ylisse and his famed tactician/best friend Robin had accompanied her to the sacred Mount Prism, the location of the Divine Dragon. But her nerves were starting to fail her.

"Nay, maybe we should turn around."

"No." Chrom narrowed his eyes. "There's one thing every man fears, but through force of will, they can overcome it."

"I'm pretty sure your wife's parents were ecstatic when you asked, though," Robin pointed out.

"Robin at least knows what I mean, Say'ri." He smiled at his bro, but before tapping the hilt of his Falchion threateningly. Father's intuition, even if Lucina (one of them) was a full-grown adult.

"I am not a man, Sir Chrom, but I understand what you mean. However…..did your wrath compare to a Divine Dragon? A being no less than a God?"

Chrom looked to Robin, who looked back. He gulped.

"Say'ri, have you ever gotten an Aether to the face?"

"I was angry."

"He was angry!"

"….sigh. Then perhaps we shall get this task done."

The trio entered the temple at the base, with Chrom – carrying Naga's blood in his veins – leading the way. The mission was a dangerous one, but an important one: asking Naga for her daughter's hand.

XXXXXX

 **"….Exalted One. Fell One. To what reason do you pay me a visit**?" The holy image of Naga materialized in front of the group; the dragon's serene eyes communicated a level of wisdom than none dare would challenge.

"O grand Naga, we come to you today, on the day that is Thursday, the 18th, in the age of-"

 **"Why are you speaking like that, Fell One?"** Naga asked, perplexed. **"You have no need to speak in the matter that I engage you mortals with."**

"I was….trying to be regal?"

Naga looked to Chrom for an answer.

"Um…..let's just cut to the chase. Naga, one of our dear friends needs a favor. A very very important favor, and I'm speaking on behalf of how GREAT she i-"

 **"Stop. I care little for brownnosing. It's one reason why you are better than those disgusting Grimleal. I assume she is the friend in question?"**

Say'ri gulped. "Aye, Lady Naga. May I approach?"

 **"You may."**

The princess stepped forward, looking firmly up at the Divine Dragon. "It….concerns your daughter, the Lady Tiki."

 **"What?"**

"I…" Say'ri closed her eyes, looking for the words. "I have been a dear friend to her for a few years now, and she has taken to me. I am fond of her and she is fond of me. And I would be honored if you were to grant your blessing to-"

 **"No."**

"N-No?"

"Naga, wait, she didn't even finish."

 **"I believe this is when the mortals say 'that is what she said'? Anyway, she was going to ask for Tiki's hand in marriage. I say no."**

"Fie! It is because I am a woman?"

"Because nowadays women marry each other," Robin added. "Right Chrom?"

"Huh? I can't say I know any personally….why are you pointing to Naga frantically? ….OH! Yes yes, tons of female marriages!"

"Sell it Chrom," his friend whispered.

"Just last week I presided over a beautiful wedding, and one of the icebreaker jokes was _let's be honest_.."

"Not like that!"

 **"Their genders have nothing to do with it. My daughter is over 3000 years old, you might as well be a zygote compared to her."**

"Age is but a number," Chrom said. "Nowi recently married my good friend Henry."

 **"You mean that daft Plegian with the fondness for blood?"**

"...blood is but a liquid-"

"You are not helping, Sir Chrom." Say'ri sighed. "Lady Naga, I don't care if she were to outlive me. Love transcends time. I would cherish every second as her wife."

 **"You young mortals always say that. Then bam! I wake up 100 years later to see her with children out of wedlock. Then again, a woman is much more sensitive than a man…"**

"We kill men!"

"Chrom, you're still overselling it."

 **"Very well. I will grant you permission to marry my daughter IF I can test the depths of your dedication."**

"Anything, milady."

Naga's eyes twinkled dangerously. **"Is this a bet you wish to engage?"**

"I said I'd do anything and I meant it! Bring me your most dangerous challenge, Lady Naga, and I shall pass it in spades!"

 **"Very well. Fell One! Exalted One!"**

"Y-Yes, Naga?" Robin asked, fearing for the worst.

 **"Could you prepare a meal for us?"**

"…."

"…"

"…..what?"

* * *

"Let me see if I got this right….Say'ri can marry Tiki…..but there has to be a dinner involved with this?" Lissa squinted. "But that doesn't sound hard at all."

"Kids these days. Lissa, you don't understand that having a dinner with your in-laws is THE most anxious experience of a man's life."

"Sumia's parents made you a pie!"

"That I ate VERY carefully!" [the author takes full responsibility for that joke]

"Does Tiki even know?"

XXXXXXX

"What? Say-Say, you asked Mother?"

To say that Tiki grew up in her thousands of years of life is an underestimate, but she still looked as spry and youthful as ever. To Say'ri, she was perfect.

"Yes. It was the proper thing to do."

"It was the dangerous thing to do, my love. I'm sure your father was strict and traditional, but even the most hardline father is nothing compared to having THE Divine Dragon as your mother."

"I'm sure you're overexaggerating."

"I wish I was. But I suppose if I remember what Bantu once told when I was a little girl…."

XXXX

 _"Remember, milady, your mother REALLY gets angry when someone adds an r to her name. And for all that is holy, don't mix up the pronouns. She's a she now."_

XXXXX

"Wait….what? When was she-"

"The one thing she'll probably want is an heir."

Say'ri looked dismayed. "I see….well, would she be privy to adoption?"

"Oh you're so silly Say-Say. Not having a man is but a simple workaround. No, the real question is….how many grandchildren would she want? 1? 5? 5000?"

"….. _what?"_

* * *

The day of the dinner soon arrived. Frederick made sure to keep the guardwatch at Ylisstol as nothing short of specular and flawless. Not that it was needed, as Naga, taking mortal form, materialized into the castle.

"L-Lady Naga, is that you?"

"Naga is the form I use for divine affairs. For a mortal's affair, this is technically Nagi." She greatly resembled Tiki, matching her hair color and head piece, but somehow looked older. "I assume Fell One and Exalted One are ready?"

"We are." Chrom and Robin entered. "Anything to keep this going smoothly. We've cleared out everyone from the castle so the meal can be enjoyed in piece."

"How many gallons of ale did you prepare?"

"…..gallonS?"

"Yes. It's been eons since I've indulged in the pleasures of the mortal. And manaketes overall require much more nourishment than that of a human."

"…Frederick, here's some gold. Go down to the market and buy whatever drink you can from the shops!" Chrom whispered, passing it over.

"I will be back as soon as I can, sire! By the way, I've prepared a delicious bear dinner for the Divine One. Served with a light glaze and some rice, accompanied with-"

"Frederick, you can recount the meal later!"

"Understood. I'll drop by your quarters at midnight to give you the entire report. I made sure to calculate the caloric intake and draw little pictures of bears to lend itself a thematic connection…"

"FREDERICK!"

* * *

"Here we are! Welcome to Chez Ylisstol! My name is Sumia, and I'll be your hostess tonight."

"...we know who you are, Lady Sumia."

Tiki gave her love a playful nudge. "We have to play along, Say'ri. Thank you, Sumia. Would you be willing to show us inside?"

Sumia smiled and pointed from her stand at the door. "It's right down there. Our servers will be sure to follow your every desire!"

The manakete mystic was dressed in her usual attire, but being forced to not wear armor or bring her sword was making Say'ri more than nervous.

"Your mother doesn't bite, does she?"

"Ssh." Tiki kissed her cheek. "We can get through this."

XXXXXX

When the two entered the dining hall, they immediately saw "Nagi" sitting at the opposite end. She looked patient but one could never tell.

"Hello, Mother."

"Hello, Tiki. ….human."

"Her name is Say'ri, Mother, we've been over this."

"Is my fault most of them look alike to me?" Tiki and Say'ri sat down across from her, and heads turned when the sounds of the piano filled the room. Miriel had been tasked with maintaining the atmosphere (since no one else could work the darned thing).

"….this is nice."

"Nice."

"N-Nice."

"Hello!" Chrom came in, dressed formally, and bowed at once. "I'm glad you could all join us at the castle, and I can assure there will be NO interruptions-"

"What if I wished for your friends to entertain us, Exalted One?" Naga asked abruptly.

"-that you didn't ask for! Hahahaha!"

Lissa ran past him and bowed as well, setting a cup down to each person at the table. "Why don't we start with the icebreaker?"

"Lissa, we said no puns," Chrom hissed behind her.

"Aww! But I've got a whole bunch planned...I guess you could call this meal PUNNY-"

"That wasn't even trying! Pour the damn water!"

When she did, she bowed again and ran out of the room.

"We'll be back in a few minutes…." Chrom followed his sister out, leaving Say'ri alone with the proverbial lion. She stared at Naga, who stared back.

"Mother, I've known Say'ri for a long time."

"Months might as well be seconds, dear. You realize she's my only child? The Divine Dragons are not what they once were…"

"Y-Yes, milady. That is why she is Your Voice. All the more reason to cherish her."

"Cherish. What a fascinating word. Have others….cherished you in the past?"

"Nay. I've had my fair share of suitors growing up, but never a serious relationship or that sort. In fact, I have not laid with a single soul."

"Forgive me if I don't believe what you say."

"But her name is **Say** 'ri!" Lissa's guffaw echoed through the room, followed by Chrom's angry shouts. But rather than look put off, Naga was slightly amused at the (bad) joke.

 _So she has a sense of humor after all…._

"Are you implying her to be promiscuous?" Tiki asked.

"Do not put words in my mouth, daughter, just like I'm sure she puts her tongue in your mouth."

Say'ri blushed slightly but collected herself. "Lady Naga, surely you have more to discuss than sharp-tinted wordplay to embarrass me?"

"How astute." Naga took a sip of water, even if a Divine being like herself had no need for such a thing. "You have some fight, Say'ri. I like that. Am I to understand you've had a knight and lady dynamic?"

"Aye."

"Yes. Isn't the tale romantic, Mother?"

"Tis but a word. May I test your potential wife on how much she knows you?"

"By all means," Tiki replied, smiling at Say'ri. Frederick entered the room, forgoing his usual armor for his butler's outfit, and he bowed accordingly to each woman.

"Would any of you be interested in any alcoholic beverages?"

"First question, right here." Naga's smirk was giving Say'ri chills. "At a more leisurely time, what drink would my daughter partake in?"

"She doesn't drink liquor, milady. She has a very low tolerance. Most manaketes do."

Naga looked satisfied with the answer.

"That's not true! I'm not a child. I can drink just fine! Frederick, give me some of Ylisse's sharpest ale."

"But of course. And you, Lady Naga?"

"Anything the house has chosen, as long as it soothes my pallet. And what of you, mortal? Do you partake?"

The Voice narrowed her eyes, slightly annoyed. "Her _name_ is Say'ri, not mortal."

"What daughter-in-law can't handle a little….what's the word, ribbing?"

"A synonym is jape," Frederick pointed out. "Followed by gaff, goof, playing around, and-"

" _Thank_ you, Sir Frederick. I must keep my wits above me, so I shall stick to water."

"That's so boring, Say'ri! She'll have what I have."

"What?! But I-"

"Ahahaha…." Naga shook her head. "Refusing the whims of a Divine Dragon?" Say'ri knew the battle wasn't over yet.

XXXXXX

"So tell me….Say'ri….you've traveled far to get to this land."

"Aye."

"But you reside on the other side of the world?"

"So does she and the Mila Tree. But if permitted, I would swim the entire sea just to be able to see her smiling face."

"Aww, Say-Say." Tiki nuzzled her girlfriend. "I would do the same for you."

"I am to understand you're the princess of a country."

"A…." Say'ri tensed up, knowing where this was going. "I am. I cannot think of a more fitting honor to have her be my queen."

"Hmmmm." Naga swirled her cup around, looking carefully at the woman to take her daughter's hand. "So you say. Although, would she not be worried and lonely, spending her days about her own business while you oversee your kingdom?"

"The implication being that I am embarrassed of my affair? Ridiculous. I would kiss her a thousand times under the most prying of eyes!"

"Go on, then."

"Huh?"

"Go on. You mortals show affection by lip contact, no? In fact….Fell One!"

Robin ran in the room. "Yes, your divineness?"

"Would you bring in your friends?"

 _Oh damn it all._

Ten minutes later the Shepherds had all filed in, ranging from Frederick's ever stoic gaze to Vaike looking a little too hyped for the prospect of seeing two women kiss.

"Go on."

"Mother, is this necessary?"

"It very much is."

Say'ri swallowed, but took the invitive to plan a quick kiss on the Voice's lips.

"What on earth was that? I saw neither the sparks of passion or the flames of commitment in your movements. Try it again, this time making it last.

Blushing, she did it again, holding the pose for a solid 30 seconds, complete with both women closing their eyes as they did so. Vaike tried to fist bump Maribelle, but she smacked him with her glove.

"Hold a moment, could you repeat that?" Miriel asked, getting up from the piano. "I am interested in seeing the effects of such a gesture on a manakete in relation to that of a human."

"Fie, it is only a kiss. It works the same for either party!"

Naga smirked. "She does have a point."

"Excellent. I'll need to step a little bit closer to properly record the moisture lips of both lips, as well as measure the level to which your pupils dilute."

"Oh that ain't the only thing diluting!" Vaike shouted, raising his fist again.

"Vaike, do you even know what that word means?"

"Dilution is defined as-"

"Nay!" Say'ri cut off Miriel's impending tangent. "I will do it once more, this time with feeling! Younger ones, avert your gaze!"

"Are they gonna do it?" Vaike whispered.

Say'ri pulled Tiki closer to engage in a more passionate kiss this time, even going to as far to apply a little of the mouth butcher meat. ….tongue. Yeah, it looks like a shriveled steak, doesn't it?

"…Excellent showing," Naga replied, impressed. "What do you think, daughter?"

"Whah….." Tiki's whole face was flushed. "Say-Say, save it for our wedding night…."

"…can you do it again?"

Maribelle bitch-slapped Vaike to knock him out.

XXXXX

When the drinks came, Say'ri took the initiative to rise it high.

"Shall we engage in a toast, Lady Naga?"

"Why do you mortals call it _toast?_ That's the….the crispy wheat product, yes?"

"It's good with some butter or jam," added Tiki.

"Fie, I do not know of its origins."

"Is that the only thing you don't know?"

Say'ri fought the urge to slap her own face. "Are you implying there's something I do not know, mainly about Tiki? Because that is a game I shall win."

Taking a sip, Naga opted to take the wager. "Do you know her heart was once engaged with another?"

"What?"

"M-Mother, that was eons ago. I was but a child."

"She-" Naga paused to take another sip. "-had a bit of infatuation with the Hero King of years past. Considering that Marth was tied to my line, I find it almost humorous."

"But you're not laughing."

"Mother!" Tiki banged her head on the table, clearly embarrassed. "Marth was my friend! He saved me from a cruel fate…"

"You called him _Mar-Mar."_

"It was nothing more than a nickname! And yet, when I address my love as Say-Say, I mean it with nothing but the highest of affections!"

The Divine Dragon looked to Say'ri. "Do you possess a child-like nickname for Tiki?"

"A-Aye."

"Let me hear it then."

Say'ri blushed, but she found the words. "T…..Tiki-Wiki."

"That's adorable."

"By your tone, I sense that you are mocking me."

"Not at all."

"Your deadpan tone suggests a hint of sarcasm."

Naga crossed her arms. "I'm impressed, Tiki. She's much more intelligent than I thought."

 _SIGH._

XXXXX

It was Robin's idea, to prevent the air from being totally dead, to set up a little show, hopefully to defrost more of Naga's attitude.

"I hope you all enjoy it," Chrom whispered. "And your meals will be out shortly."

"Say, Chrom….could I have another glass?" Tiki held up what was her fourth empty. "This ale tastes so sweet…"

"H-Haven't you had enough, dearest?"

"You've barely touched yours, _Say-Say_." Say'ri grit her teeth at the unsubtle jab, but Chrom gave her a thumbs up to invigorate her. She chugged it and asked for more as well.

"Um….enjoy the show."

On the small stage ahead of them, Robin came out first, clearing his throat.

"The first act shall be a little comedy routine. Give it up for Gregor and Nowi!"

Both Tiki and Naga looked more "into it" at the mention of a fellow manakete.

"Say, Gregor! I'm having a good night tonight. How about you?" Nowi asked, looking over the nonexistent crowd.

"Eh can't complain. Boss is paying me well for show, yes?"

 _I'm PAYING him for this?_ Chrom thought, bewildered.

"Hehehe! Isn't it sweet, watching Say'ri and Tiki on their little date?"

"Oh nonono," the mercenary cringed. "Is not a hot date. Is prison sentence carried out by warden mother. Gregor knows your pain, princess."

"Why'z _that?"_

Tiki leaned over to Say'ri. "Is….is she making a catchphrase?"

"Yes. Gregor knows the rumbling of the -in laws first hand. When Gregor first had dinner with wife's parents, they thought Gregor had been starving for days!"

"Hahahahaha!" Nowi laughed (not understanding how punchlines work). "That's hilarious! Did you split the bill?"

"Eh? Gregor doesn't pay for food!"

Cricket chirps.

"Umm….it's SO hot tonight, wouldn't you say?"

Gregor nodded in approval, catching an eye of Tiki's cleavage. "Is very pleasant."

"No! You're supposed to say _, how hot is it?"_

"But Gregor just told you. Little Nowi no listen," the merc sighed. "She has cotton in her ears. Might as well be rabbit, like Panne."

"Because I'm making you….. _hopping_ mad?"

The only person who found that funny was Lissa, who was laughing her butt off in the back. Naga didn't look very amused at all.

"Uh next act!" Robin said, shooing the two off the stage. "A little magic with Ricken?"

"Hello hello!" the short mage waved to the room and held up his floppy hat. "See this hat? Watch me…..pull out…." he pretended to dig inside, instead conjuring up a spell had been working on for days. "an ACTUAL rabbit!"

He warped Panne out, who had been adorned with a cottonball on her nose and whisker markers.

"Just so you know," she began, voice laced with venom, "this is the most degrading experience I've ever experienced."

"Eat the carrot bunny…."

"This is borderline disgusting. Next act, please," came Naga's blunt reply. Tiki swallowed another glass.

"Umm….." Robin sighed. "Whatever _this_ is, starring Donnel."

The farmer's son came out, then he grinned and held up both hands out, with each hand having a finger up. He began to sing nonsensically as he moved the hands together to look like he was transferring the fingers:

"da na na da nana na na da da na na na da na naa... DA NE NA na na na na na na na DA NE NA na na na na na na na... da na na na na na na NA NA.. da na na na na na na NA... DA NE NA na na na na na na na DA NE NA na na na na-"

" _Stop_ , please, I beg you."

"Oh I'm mighty sorry Lady Naga. It didn't impress your dragoness?"

"No, that was me." Say'ri waved her hand. "What….what on earth was THAT?"

"I could do it again if y'like."

"For all that is holy, please do not."

XXXXX

"Mmm…." Naga sampled a taste of the bear steak. "Not half bad, for a mortal's dish."

"What…" Say'ri watched again as the now drunk Tiki hiccupped and poured out another glass. "What would be a godly dish?"

"….no. Tis impossible to make."

"What?" The princess snapped out of her "kill me now" phase. "Are you saying there be a dish that manaketes love?"

"It's something the wise old Gotoh made me try once. Not that this isn't bad."

"Do you like it too, Tiki?!"

"Huh?" she hiccupped again. "Oh surree….but Say-Say…*hic* I'd love to try _you_ ….*hic* if you know what I mean."

"I believe that is the mortal expression for-"

"I know what it is! Tell me, Lady Naga!" Say'ri shoved the dishes off the table. "Tell me the one thing that would bring this night to some level of greatness! A way to show you how much I care!"

"….hmm. If you're serious….."

"I. am. If I have to suffer through another finger trick I shall go mad."

"I'd love to….*hic* trick your fingers….*hic* if you know what I mean."

 _Drunk Tiki is bold Tiki. Understood._

"Fetch me the delicacy known as…..banana bread."

"…what?"

"Yes, that was the name. Banana bread."

"Surely you are having one last attempt at making fun of me?"

"Not at all. I have not tasted banana bread in many years. Tiki loves it, doesn't she?"

Said manakete had fallen asleep, snoring loudly. But Say'ri got up, and ran towards the door. "I shall return with 20 loaves!"

 **SLAM**

"….she cannot be serious. Lest I remember, bananas do not grow in Ylisse."

"She really loves Tiki, Naga. She just wants her…and you….to be happy," said Robin.

"….happy, you say?"

"Yep."

"…..I should've asked for 40 loaves then. Oh well."

"Wait wait wait!" Chrom winced when he saw Tiki fall out of her chair. "You're just going to let her go on a wild goose chase?"

"I'm sorry, you thought this was the part where I accept her, completely?"

"YES!" shouted both men.

"Oh. ….well, it seems I have much to learn about mortals as well."

"Say-Say…." Tiki murmured in her sleep, reaching out for an invisible woman. "Hmm, let's snuggle, Say-Say…."

"…..my daughter is truly captivated by this woman?"

"Yes, she is."

Naga tapped her lip. "Very well. On summer's eve, she shall marry Say'ri at the base of the Mila Tree. They have my blessing. You did well, minus the awful entertainment, sub-par food, and medicore presentation."

"…thanks?"

"You are welcome, Exalted One." Naga rose up and flew out of the window. "Sweet dreams, my daughter."

"Mmm…."

"…..well! I guess we can chalk that one up as a win!" Chrom smiled. "Shame Frederick's bear meat had to go to waste."

"I wouldn't know about that, Chrom."

"What do you mean?"

Robin thought carefully, before a look of absolute dread came over his face. "Say'ri, the princess of Chon'sin, a very isolated and traditional country….plans to marry _a female dragon oracle_ that calls her **Say-Say."**

"Reminds me of the time Sumia and I had our wedding-"

"Chrom, they were practically kissing your feet. You're the damn Exalt. _I was there."_

 **SLAM**

Both jumped at the sound of the door opening up; Say'ri looked out of breath.

"Sir Chrom, Sir Robin, tell me….what is a….ba-na-na?"

 **FIN**

 **Ending notes: This can be considered in the same "canon" as Anna's Bizarre Adventure, where you see Say'ri and Tiki actually married. Would I make the wedding into an actual fic? Eh probably not, but you never know. All I know is the pairing is one of my favorite ships in the game, even if you can't technically do it.**


End file.
